Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!

That pretty much describes the whole labor and delivery process for me.

I spent the several weeks before Ethan's birthday going through extremely mild prelabor, or Braxton Hicks.  This included no pain and absolutely no preview of true labor WHATSOEVER.  At my last prenatal appointment, we scheduled an induction date of August 1st.  I, however, was hoping for all of the surprise and wonderment of sporadically occurring labor.  How ignorant was I?  Thankfully, there was a higher power that knew better for me.

So, at 2:30am on August 1st, Michael and I checked into Woman's Hospital to begin the adventure of becoming a foursome (we include Koopa as part of our little family).  At 3:30am, I was all cute in my designer hospital gown (because, yes, I was too vain for the frumpy ones they supply) and hooked up to a drip with the oxytocin rolling. 

About 30 minutes later, the nurse came back and told me to lay back down and turn on my side - the baby was not liking the drip.  We took a break from it, and resumed at 4:30am.  The drip did all of nothing.  My contraction still felt completely painless, and, to me, were still irregular.  At that point, I figured we were in for the long haul.  The nurse said Perch would be in around 7 or 8am to break my water.  Since the whole process had been pretty uneventful so far, I figured we could let our parents come back and say hi.  Michael had taken all of our room passes for visitors - the best decision we ever made, thanks to Betsy and Jeff's suggestion/warning.  Michael's parents were happy with whatever updates we wanted to share.  Mine on the other hand...were....very excited.  Trust me, looking back on my aggravations now, I realize they are minor compared to the amazing event that took place.  About the same time, I decided that since I loved my nursing staff, I would go ahead and give them the goodie bag I made for them.  Weeks before, figuring that I would be a difficult patient, I planned candy, gummies and granola for the wonderful ladies who would be saddled with dealing with me.  In the end, I don't think I was half as bad as I was anticipating.  Around 7:30am, Perch showed up to check in on me.  At 7:45am, he broke my water.  Holy hell.  This process alone made me more than grateful that I did not go into labor in Wal-Mart or any other extremely public, or even private, venue.  I'm pretty sure my vagina unloaded enough water to fill a car trunk.  Perch tells me he will be back around noon to see how it's going.  The nurse tells me to try to give her a 20 minute window when requesting an epidural.  Apparently, I was not the only chick having a baby that morning.  How dare those other women.  Being the total wannabe-badass that I am, I decided that I would go AT LEAST an hour from that point before requesting the needle.  I was 4cm dilated now.  7cm is what everyone says is the point of no return.  The staff told me that as long as I could sit still and was not crowning, I could get the epidural.  Nice.  Oh, and by the way... You have to get pumped with at least 2 bags of fluid before the epidural, too.  The nurse told me I might want to take my rings off unless I didn't mind them being cut off later.  Swollen for days much?

So, here come the contractions.  This is what they feel like?  Meh.. Not so bad.  A few more.  Hmm..this is uncomfortable.  I need my music.  Michael gets me set up with my phone and I settle in with my appropriated play list.  We're about 30 minutes in, and I'm very uncomfortable.  Michael is holding my hand through each contraction, and talking me through them.  At 45 minutes, I'm pretty much telling him to shut up because he's trying to make me laugh - and this shit ain't funny.  Right as he's asking me if I want to buzz the nurse, she comes in.  I guess it was obvious.  We call for the epidural.  Before that, she checks me - 6cm.  Turns out she wasn't lying - 20 minutes later the anesthesiologist comes rolling in.  At this point, I am whimpering and unloading crocodile tears in a strangely quiet manner.  Real labor contractions feel like the worst shit cramp you've ever had while someone is slicing your stomach open with a hot butter knife.  Fun!  I didn't get at all vocal until they told me I needed to get out of bed (with all the wires attached) and make one final trip to the bathroom before he could stick me.  I had about 3 contractions in the 4 minutes it took me to go piss and crawl back.  Michael was sent out to the waiting room until they were done with me.  The epidural was NOTHING.  Easiest shot I've ever had. 

zOMG. Thank you baby Jesus for epidurals!

So they lay me back down, and check me again.  8cm.  "Oh, honey, you're about to have a baby - we need to call your doctor to come back!"  Umm...what?!  I thought this was supposed to take all day!  Here comes Michael back from the waiting room.  Uh-oh.  Here comes the urge to push!  They weren't kidding!  All of a sudden, the bright lights are on and my legs go up.  So a few pushes later, and they're telling me to stop.  UH, WTF?!  They're calling my doc again.  They can see the head.  "There's a full head of hair!"  Seriously?  Don't push?!  *Whoosh!*  He comes Perch!  Alrighty, back to work!  "PushPushPushPushPushPushPush!  You're doing great!"  Funny thing was that it happened so fast my epidural hadn't taken full affect; so I could still move my legs and feel all the pressure - pushing was pretty easy! 

Just a few more pushes and we heard those unforgettable, life changing words: "It's a boy!"

And, then the world stood still.  There he was.  I was in complete shock.  Everything happened so fast.  After more than nine months of growing this precious little being inside of me, here he was.  They whisked him off to be cleaned, but within moments, he was back in my arms.  Wow, he was beautiful..  He had pretty pink skin and his eyes were wide open.  And, all that blond hair!  Did this really just happen?  Are we really parents?  In a matter of seconds, I became a mom.  The whole event was wild and incredible.  I don't know how anyone could experience the miracle of childbirth and not come away knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists.

Ethan Michael Hathcox was born at 10:24am after 2 1/2 hours of active labor.  He weighed 7lbs, 12.1oz and was 21 1/4" long.  He had all ten fingers and ten toes, and his daddy's nose.  I did not realize that my heart could grow any bigger.

We spent the next two hours getting to know our son.  The hospital staff took some measurements and a few footprints.  And, I shocked myself by wanting to try breastfeeding.  Most people who've had any baby talks with me know that I was really freaked out by the thought of BFing - I understand it's a very natural thing, but I personally found it quite foreign.  My plan was to pump and try to stay away from formula that way.  However, I also stated that I would keep an open mind.  Well, the maternal urge turned out to be very strong for me.  It felt natural, and for that I am very thankful.  Once everything was ok'ed, we were whisked away to our Mother/Baby suite for visitors.  My doc even went out to visit my parents after he delivered Ethan, but we requested he not share the news yet so that Michael could when we were ready.  Once I was comfortably set up in the suite (and we had a few sweet moments to ourselves), he went out to the waiting room.  My mom asked how many centimeters dilated I was, and he responded with, "Would you all like to come meet Ethan?"  I am so happy that he was able to have that.  Best moment ever!

The days at the hospital were filled with visitors and an amazing amount of love.  We are truly blessed!  And, so in love!

Our little Who Dat!

Uncle Matt

Cousins, JC & Layne

flowers from Michael, our parents and work

When it was finally time to go home, we were more than ready.  Ethan's trip into the world was complete, and we were ready to get into a new groove with our little family. 

Look out world!  Here comes Trouble!  I mean, Ethan! :)

OMG! I just got born!

Well, hello there!

All strapped in and ready to go!

Let's blow this popsicle stand!