It needs to be shared.

** Disclaimer: I am in no way complaining about being pregnant.  I truly feel this is one of the most fulfilling and amazing times in my life.  I have never felt so beautiful and comfortable with myself and my body.  However, everyone has a bad day here and there.  I feel like it is important to share this so that people understand that.

Hormones suck.  Don't get me wrong, some are great.  I love the ones that give you nice skin, hair & nails.  But then there are the others.  The others can rush through and totally screw your day.  I had a run-in with the "others" this morning.

I did not sleep well last night.  I kept having awful dreams about fighting with my dad.  The first one I remember was in Babies R Us, and he kept sending me to grab items while he kept the buggy and chit-chatted with a friend.  A couple of the things he sent me for were cases of Diet Sprite.  Then I woke up, and fell back to sleep fairly quickly.  In the next dream I remember, I woke up in my parents bed.  Dad was in the living room, and mom had left for work.  Michael showed up and told me that his work meeting was moved to Sunday (he had a meeting downtown this morning).  It all seemed very strange, but at this point I thought I was awake.  Then, Dad was yelling at me in front of two older guests.  I think it was my Uncle Ken & Aunt Patsy, but then I want to say it may have been my two great aunts that passed away.  Then I woke up again for good.  My body felt rested, but my mind was still exhausted.  My head ached horribly.

I rolled out of bed and showered.  While putting on my make-up and drying my hair, I still felt completely out of it.  I was starting to wonder if I was still dreaming.  Then, while I was getting dressed, I started to break down crying.  I was so upset with my body and how everything felt out of control.  I feel like I'm carrying two boulders on my chest, and my weight is completely out of my hands.  I know that I am carrying a baby inside of me, but nothing I told myself felt justified enough to make the feelings go away.  The last thing I wanted to do was go to work feeling like that.  But, I pulled myself together and headed out.

On the way to work, every song that popped up on my iPhone was about breaking up or some other sad event.  I skipped past them all and hit "Get Your Roll On" and "Ain't Nothing but a G Thang", and those helped a little. :)  Once I got to work, I tried to avoid talking to anyone.  I felt like I might come across wrong, and I didn't want anyone to know I was upset over anything.  I was at my desk for about an hour or so when Michael walked in.  He decided to stop by for a quick, surprise "hey, I love you" after his meeting.  I immediately burst into tears.  I'm sure everyone who passed my door thought we were fighting.  He was shocked at how upset I was.  He had left the house before I woke up, so he had no idea.  That was all I needed at that moment - a hug & kiss and to hear "I love you".

I am still feeling a little blue, but I know everything will be ok.  As wonderful as this pregnancy has been, and as amazing as I have been feeling, I was bound to have a bad day pop up.  I find myself getting so aggravated to read and/or hear about women who just hate being pregnant and complain about every little part.  Going through a day like this definitely reminds me that every pregnancy is different, and some women feel the way I did this morning through their entire nine months.  I cannot imagine that, and hope that none of my pregnancies are like that.